Even Babies Aren't safe!

HATERS. I hate this term. Mostly because people who proclaim to have haters have nothing to hate on! Haters have a certain level of jealousy, but too many people confuse haters with people that just ….hate them. We aren’t jealous of that lacefront wig.  We hate it!  If we wanted we could spend $21.99 and have 2 for the price of 1, just how you bought it from the Korean beauty supply store. We aren’t jealous of the money you posed with on you Facebook profile pic! If we actually had to go to a check cashing place with our tax refund check, we too could pose with $100 bills stacked on top of $1s.  Sometimes people are just down right ignorant and ratchet, and call anyone who tries to be a voice of reason a hater.

But today I actually saw an egregious instance of hating.  People were hating on a baby. Apparently Beyonce took her daughter out on the town. How the hell you hate on a baby? Even if you hate her mother’s yodeling or her father’s Camel cigarette ads, she’s a baby. What is there not to like? That she has elmo diapers and you feel they should be Dora? Her cheeks are TOOOOOOO chubby? The baby hairs around her forehead TOOOOOO “baby hair-ish?”

The haters say Little Girl Blue will end up looking like this. Sadness! 

Now I see why B keeps her child in hiding! People are crazy! For every person hating on this child, there are TWO people obsessed with her. I wouldn’t be surprised if some wacko tries to touch her garment thinking they will be healed of diabetes or something. People act like the cure for cancer is found in her spit up. These obsessed people then spend hours on the internet arguing with the people who hate the baby, all the while the baby shops with her mother at Bergdorf Goodman, eats, and has diamond dust sprinkled on her ass instead on baby powder ( I’d assume) with every diaper change.

I just don’t understand the obsession with celebrities and their offspring. Ever since I saw “Bronx Tale” as a teen, I basically live by what Sonny told C after he was upset about the Yankees: “If your dad ever can't pay the rent and needs money, go ask Mickey Mantle. See what happens. Mickey Mantle don't care about you. Why care about him?” I might laugh at celebrities from time to time but there isn’t one that I would actually defend.  Or become obsessed with. My favorite "celebrity" is Michelle Obama, and if I met her all by her lonesome on a dark night, I’d probably rob her rich ass.  

No priorities!

There are a few things that have me baffled about the media and human nature today. I mean, even more than usual. I’ll start with the most ridiculous first. Tonight I just cleaning up around the house and the news came on. Now I know you don’t learn anything from the local news, but I often keep it on until the next show comes on. I’m not much of a TV person but I enjoy watching reruns of funny sitcoms before bed.

The top story on the news tonight was not about a fire, or robbery, or politics or war…it was about shit. The top story: a cab driver pulls over at 5am on a residential block and takes a deuce on the side walk. The owner of the house it was outside of caught it on his security camera. He is disgusted and wants answers…..umm…….what answers do you need at this point? Yes it’s gross but everybody poops. The worse part about this is that it happened Friday and it rained Saturday…so the poop is long gone. Why must we hear about it Monday night?  The producer of this news show should be ashamed of himself, as his show is now one giant poop joke.

THIS IS NOT NEWS!!!!!!

Now on to more serious matters. Last week more info came out about the Sandusky child molestations. Apparently whole bunch of people knew, and the FBI has the emails to prove it. The crazy thing to me that people are STILL defending Joe Paterno. I understand he is dead, and I think the ONLY defense you could give him is “well, he is dead, so he isn’t here to defend himself.” But people are talking about how he is a great man and a wonderful person…..I’m sorry, I didn’t know we had a cure for cancer now! Thanks Joe!

Joe was a great football coach. That’s it! How the hell can strangers call him a wonderful person because of football? Our priorities as a country are all messed up. Today on Facebook I saw the picture of the basketball hoes of LA and people were ripping one of them apart for having the confidence to wear a bikini even though she has stretch marks! People judge this woman for feeling comfortable in her body…yet I’ve read Facebook comments wear people say we cant judge Joe because we weren’t in his shoes.

Now I know we aren’t suppose to judge anyone (leave that for God) however…..I think that if ANY situation allows for you to judgmental at ANY time in your life it would be THIS! Not only should you judge someone that kept child molestation a secret for the sake of fame and fortune, you should also feel free to assume that if you were in his shoes, you would have called the police!

 If you judge this person

you SHOULD judge this one:

My last rant is about this upcoming Quentin Taratino film “Django Unchained.” When I heard a year or so ago that he was making a comedy about slavery, my BS radar went off, due to his gratuitous use of the N-word in previous films. However I decided to keep an open mind, although in the back of my head I KNEW this film was just an excuse for him create the perfect fictional setting for him to use the N-word. Well I was right! Apparently the N-word is used 150 times in the film.

Why would I pay to hear the N-word when I can hear it for free by:

-          listening to drake, lil wayne, and all the other rappers I hate on Spotify

-          go to a Tea- Party rally

-          Play Mitt Romney’s speech to the NAACP backwards

-          having it yelled at me as I walk through the small streets of South Philly, south of Synder Ave late at night (true story)

So I mentioned on my Facebook page that I didn’t want to see it. I announced that I’m not judging anyone who does see it, or even trying to dissuade them from seeing it, but that I know myself and I will burn the theater down after about the 5 time I hear that word. Would you believe that NEGROS actually sent me private messages telling me I should change my mind and just go see it. “IT’S JUST A MOVIE,” they say.  “YOU ARE ALWAYS TOO SERIOUS TIA” they say. Why in the world does it matter whether I see it or not? You don’t need me to cosign that foolishness. I’m not gonna go see it  because I don’t want to be a hypocrite. Some of the first black people in line to see that movie are also the first ones that want to fight a white person if they call them a Nigger in real life! A LOT of white people don’t understand why they can’t black people that….and why black people get mad if they do…yet y’all want to  make a white man richer by paying to hear it 150 times! You think I’m gonna let a white person call me the N-Word without some repercussions? So it makes no sense for me to be in that theater. But apparently many of my black contemporaries have better tempers than I do. So you all go see the movie and enjoy yourselves! Have a laugh for me because I CAN’T HANDLE IT!!!

It's your own damn fault you are in this mess

Well the autopsy reports are in and if seems that Whitney Houston died of a heart attack cause by cocaine and a WHOLE bunch of other shit found in her system. At first i was like " Aaawwwww HELL TO THE NO!" but like a Facebook friend said to me, " Did you really expect her system to be clean?" No I didn't. But for some reason society at large had a hard time believing that Whitney was a stone cold drug user. we always wanted to find excuses for her. First, it was "blame Bobby B." Now her family blames Ray J. This woman was more famous and wealthy than both of these men. She need not need to depend on them. So why would a woman trade in one scumbag for another?

The thing Bobby and Ray J have in commom is that they like to have a good time.They party how Whitney liked to party! That's why! She had her reasons for divorcing Bobby but I doubt they were drug related...because she kept doing the same shit after him. 

I watched the Oprah interview with Whitney's family with my mom a few weeks ago. During the interview, Bobbi Kris said something along the lines of, "my mother was an angel."  My mom yelled out "Oh Please! Your mother was a crackhead!" And it's true. I mean Whitney seemed like a nice person, but if she didn't have that money,  she'd be that bitch that stole the antenna's off of the cars in the neighborhood back in the day.  You know that crackhead that still thinks she looks as good as she did when she was 18, but now she is 44 and looks like the Crypt Keeper? But she walks around the neighborhood poking her ass out all high in the air and flirting with dudes? Yeah Whitney would be THAT CRACKHEAD. And everyone around the way would look down on her, if not hate her. I wish we weren't in denial of this, but humans are terrible shallow creatures that give to much credit to people that are good looking and/or talented.

This woman stole the antenna off your mom's 1997 Impala

Anyhoo,  Whitney is now in Heaven smoking weed out of the big bong in the sky (God only allows the organic shit) so let's talk about ppl who are still here...The Bodyguard and Slutty Bar girl

So apparently my friend The Bodyguard was not giving slutty bar girl the attention she (thought she) deserved. So, she decided to show up at his job unnannounced. This pissed the bodyguard off because, ironically his job is security at a bar and he likes to stay focused at work. 

This is the thing about slutty bar girl...she can't just sit down and relax. She had to try to be extra joe (for those of you not from Philly it means "being to familiar to soon, often to the point of being annoying) with everyone. Shortly after she got there,  she went over to the crowded bar area, and tells the bartender that he is he favorite bartender in all of Philadelphia. Got loud, drank, got drunk.  Then she went outside and asked a girl for a cigarette. The girl said no, but slutty bar girl saw that the girl had a whole pack of cigarettes, and would not take no for an answer. She girl with the cigarettes still did not want to share and this pissed off slutty bar girl, so much that she started an altercation.
Now if you like a guy, wouldn't you show him you are a down ass chick by NOT doing something that could threaten his money? Something tells me that starting a fight at a dude's job does not bring out the warm fussy feeling in his heart. This chick showed up at his predominately white job and acted like every black stereotype in the book - cussing, fighting, drinking....you would have thought it was the BET awards!
Since the Bodyguard was outside checking IDs while this was taking place, he broke up the fight and sent slutty bar girl home in a cab. The next day he got a lovely Facebook message from slutty, telling him he is a terrible person, he used her (how I'm not sure how HE used HER, since he paid for her drinks, meals and never slept with her) that he only pretends to care about people but deep down he has low self esteem...all types of crazy shit. They traded a few more insults over facebook and then stopped talking.

I know they are no longer facebook friends but can you believe she unfriended ME??? MOI of all people...who GRACIOUSLY refrained from running her over with my car when she apologized for sleeping with my ex boyfriend, confessing that she KNEW we were together the whole time. ME, the one who called her to extend my condolences when her father died, for her to tell me that she tried to keep seeing my ex boyfriend after we broke up, but he played the shit out of her and wouldn't see her anymore? ME, who only wrote these blog posts ONLY AFTER I found out she was talking about me behind my back to my friend the bodyguard, saying iI was delusional and was never my ex's "girlfriend!" ME! I'm insulted!!!! (not really)
Seriously this ho is dumb. She saw what my ex did to me, and then tried to continue to see him, only to get played by him. She got drunk and tried to sleep with my friend, only to cuss him out on facebook weeks later. What is the moral to this story? Sometimes other people aren't the problem, IT"S YOU!! It's your own damn fault. Just like Whitney smoked her own way to the big cabin in the sky, this girl dragged her pussy around town like a stray cat and then was shocked when it got (only "proverbial" I hope) fleas. Meanwhile I was the only one who kept it 100% with her, only to be defriended.
I made this same face when i realized how stupid  she really is!

Oh well. women are dumb like that. Stay tuned for the next blog post, where i will talk more about dumb women, and the men who dog them and the worst offenders WOMEN WHO RAISE LOSER ASS MEN.
xxxo
T

People with Lisps are Terrible Human Beings

You probably think this post is about THIS person

But SSSSUFFERIN SSSSSUUCKOTASSSHHHH!!! It aint. I’ll read this hood bird on another day. and not all people with lisps are bad. Just two, that I know of!

I kinda got my good friend into a really messed up situation. It wasn’t on purpose, and he can get himself out of it, but it wouldn’t have happened if I had just let the human ear’s natural distaste for speech impediments guide my choices. Let me explain

A few years ago I met a young man about my age who SEEMED like a pretty ok guy….self employed (home improvement contractor for hire), independent, talented, Christian, made me laugh, could have a good time…ok I did notice he was tight with a dollar, but no one is perfect right? It IS a recession. But he was CHEAP…..held a quarter so tight his knuckles turned chalky white…which is quite an accomplishment for a dark skinned person…anyway I digress.

Despite his good qualities, I couldn’t get over his voice. He had a lisp, which is like…ok I know it is MAD ignorant to make fun of an adult with a speech impediment. I KNOW this. But….on top of that….his voice…this dude looked like he should sound like DMX when he talked, but he sounded like the Ladies Man from SNL. I need you to imagine a 6’2” 275 dark skinned black man with the baby voice of Leon Phelps.  NOT SEXY!!!!

How the hell do you look like this (but fatter with man titties):

But sound like this?

Since very time he talked I thought it was a practical joke,  I told him I was too busy to date and allowed myself to fall gracefully off his radar. But I always felt a little bad for it. He couldn’t help how he sounded! I must be a shallow mean bitch if I wont date someone because of that. Surely my future children will pay the price of my meanness, and will be born fat, ugly one eyed lispy monsters….

So with these thoughts in the back of my mind, when he tried about a year later to get with me again, I decided to not be so mean and give him a chance. BIG MISTAKE!!! Let me tell you something -  poor, fat kids with lisps turn into HORRIBLE adults that hate the world!!! This man LIED about everything, with the culminating factor being me discovering he was cheating, having relationships with at least TWO other women. On top of that, I found out his “business” was illegal, he had not paid income tax in 8 years, and is stealing the water in his house from the city, and liked to engage in threesomes with his male cousin and another girl ( please vote about that last statement in the poll to the left.)

So what does this have to do with my friend that I got into a bad situation? Well, I asked him to do a favor for me. When I found out about the other women, I wanted to confront the Ladies Man (bad pun intended) . like mentioned above, the Ladies Man is kinda large, and since I told one of the other girls about me earlier that day, I didn’t want to take any chances of him giving me the brown treatment (Chris, Bobby, James, pick one) and knocking a bitch out. So I called my  friend who I knew was bigger and badder than him,  and asked him to accompany me to the confrontation.  Now this is when HIS trouble started….

The other girl that the Ladies man was cheating with wanted to come with me and The Bodyguard to the confrontation. I figured ‘the more the merrier!” Now, while we were on a car on the way to the Ladies Man’s house, she was telling me things…things that let the social worker in me know that she might be…troubled. She has just moved to Philly a few months ago. She was suppose to move here with her fiancé but called it off because he was cheating on her…she said things like “I not even checking for ( the Ladies Man)…trust me he was NOT the only man I was sleeping with!” (EVERYONE, PLEASE USE FUCKING CONDOMS!!! THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHY!!!!!) After the confrontation we went to a bar and she got drunk, sat on the laps of a few men, left with the bartender’s phone number AND The Bodyguard's phone number.

Now I’m not gonna hate on a chick for doing her thing. You wanna have fun and "date" multiple men, then do you…and to show her I had no hard feelings about her "dating" the Ladies Man, I told her I would be willing to hang out with her again since she is new in town and I assumed hanging out with me would be better than hanging out with a man who will probably be arrested for tax evasion soon. But alas, she didn’t want to hang out with me, because I can't fill her holes……in her heart left by her fiancé and the ladies man. So she ignored my call and instead decided to harass The Bodyguard.

But, things haven’t worked out exactly as she planned. I met The Bodyguard for drinks about a week ago and he told me about their activities. Let just say, it seems that he got her teapot hot, she steamed up, was about to shout….but he finds her gross so he wont tip her over and pour her out! Let this be a lesson to men – don’t let a girl throw herself at you if you don’t find her attractive! If you already know she is easy, don't decide she is TOO easy for you when she is ready to smash!  And it doesn't seem like she is planning to go away.  Now he is dealing with constant texts and up to 8 calls a day from her. She is hot for him and until he gives him what he wants she won’t take no for an answer! It’s been a significant amount of time and she is still trying. Personally I think he should just man up, put on a HAZMAT suit and get to work!

So yeah, the moral of the story is, if had just been the mean girl I naturally am and told Sylvester the Cat to find tweety bird to romance with that lisp shit, The Bodyguard wouldn’t be stalked for his man meat! But now that I wrote all this, I realize....he should actually be THANKING ME! What kind of dude turns his nose up to drunk coochie that will use her own transpass to show up at his place in under an hour, probably with a pizza if he asks? I did him the Favor of the Year. 

 Oh yeah, and don't forget to vote in the poll to the left! 

The Best and Worst of the Week

Now time to feature two people, both doing THE MOST, but only one is using her powers for good.

Best of the week:

MYA!!

YES!!! I love a thick chick. We have to support each other lol. I love the color-blocking outfit and her radiant skin. She sure is brightening up this dirty bathroom or basement hood club or whatever this place is. And I'm not even gonna throw any shade at those cankles.

Worst of the Week:

Harpo, who diss woman????

Hell to the NO! The Devil IS a lie! This is NOT the woman Biggie use to ghostwrite for. I refuse to believe this is Kimberly Jones. Whoever this is, why is her face melting? When did the Cowardly Lion start cross-dressing???

Why won't you just let Shi'Kirah be great??????

My great grandmother use to always say " What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Translated for those of you who don't waste brain cells on metaphors, it means that "whatever you are allowed to do, I can do too!" ESPECIALLY  when it comes to male/female relationships. And why not? In these days of free condoms, penicillin, birth control and plain old not giving a damn, everyone is free to whore to their heart's desire! However, some members of  a certain sex feel like certain activities are just for them alone...
Tonight I had after-work cocktails with a friend of mine who is in an interracial relationship. she is black and her dude is white (BTW, no one will know who this is because about 75% of my black female friends are dating white guys.) We chatted about normal relationship stuff, and then she brought up with fact that on MULTIPLE occasions she and her boyfriend have gotten looks that range from disgust to downright anger from black dudes while out in the street or at the movies.
Rewind to my previous life a long, long time ago (Monday) where I made bad dating choices. I dated a black dude that was a straight up foolio! I endured a 5 minute tirade of how disgusted he was when J chose white J over the black dude in "the misadventures of awkward black girl." But the kicker was that this guy had dated more white women than a married black professional athlete!(pick any one) When I brought this to his attention, he told me he didn't date white women, just " banged" them! As you can see, this eloquent charmer has no shortage of female attention.
A few days ago, I asked my partner in "hating" (because hating isn't a hobby, it's a lifestyle choice) the Boy T what that is all about. Boy T he said as a black man, they feel like they are the best, have the best sexual prowess, all women should like them but black women should want ONLY them because "can't no one satisfy them like a black man" (THAT email must have went right to my junk mail folder,)  blah, blah, blah, misogyny, blah blah blah, stupidity, blah blah blah, hypocrisy...I stopped paying attention!  Though my father is a loser, my grandfather, my stepdad, Dr Huxtable and Reading Rainbow's Levar Burton have helped me developed an appreciation of black men and I'd like it to stay that way!
Personally I think interracial dating is a good thing! As soon as we all are ambiguously brown, it will be harder to discriminate. And don't we all appreciate the things that biracial people have given us? If it weren't for Minnie Ripperton's love of a white man, we would have no Maya Rudolph to give us hilarious Beyonce impersonations. And if it wasn't for whatever the hell happened in New Orleans with the races intermingling, we wouldn't have our Lace-front Creole goddess to give us words like "bootylicious." I mean really, aren't these accomplishment argument enough?
So the next time you see a sista with a white dude, give her a wink and a smile! Or...don't cuz if it's at night you might be not be able to see that she is actually with a really light skinned black dude with jealously issues.