In light of the failure to indite killer cops Darren Wilson and Daniel Pantaleo (who murdered Michael Brown and Eric Garner, respectively) many people feel as though we need a new civil rights movement. Like any socio-political movement, a multi tiered strategy that affects all levels of society will make the most impact. In my opinion, one of the areas we need to target is the economy.
Black Americans have over $1 billion dollars in purchasing power. Too often we are giving our money to big box stores owned by corporations that lobby for laws that are against the best interests of our communities. I personally think we need to stop supporting this corporations and invest more of our money into black owned businesses.
This is challenging because capitalism is so invasive - extremely large corporations own several smaller stores and most times we don't even know it. Combine that with our consumer culture that emphasizes instant gratification at low cost and it seems painfully impossible to only buy from smaller black owned businesses.
I believe the best way is to start small and increase the number of black owned business you support over time. This is why I am supporting #BlackBusinessFriday. it's a day of the week when we go out of our way to support our own restaurants, delis, nail salons, bars and shops.
This weeks's post focuses on black owned restaurants and dining establishments. Here is a list of businesses in Philadelphia you should consider supporting:
Mt Airy Deli
Ms Tootsies Restaurant
Jamaican Jerk Hut
Brown Betty Bakery
This list is short because I don't eat out very much unless it's for business. Also don't forget the local bodegas owned by black Latinos. And, if you can't spend your money at a black owned business, consider spending it at a small business that employees a good number of black people.
Next weeks posts will be on black owned businesses that provide personal health and beauty items (including online merchants.) I promise the list will be longer and more inspiring!
Please leave the name and location of any black owned eating establishments in the comments section!
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Dating someone who doesn't like your body
Usually I only write funny posts but I decided to be serious
today. I am writing this post in response to “My
Naked Truth” blog post written for Huffington Post. In her piece, Robin Korth
describes an intimate encounter with a man who was turned off by her body.
Specifically, there was one part of the story that drew me in- when confronting
her love interest on the phone about why he would not make love to her, he said
“I like your head and your heart. But, I just can't deal with your body." When
I read these words, I felt a pang in my heart that transported me back into
time, when I man said something very similar to me.
Before I talk about my own incident, let me give a brief
background of my life when it comes to weight and body image issues. I was a fat
kid. I was teased for it. I was laughed at when admitting to crushes on certain
boys in high school, because I should have KNOWN they wouldn't want me. 15
years ago, it was a challenge to find cute age appropriate plus size clothing –
way harder than it is now- so I was also an outsider for not having a
fashionable wardrobe. And while I had some sweet, awesome boyfriends of various
sizes that told me how beautiful I was , I still encountered my share of
assholes who had no problem telling me how much more attractive I would be if I
just lost weight. And that's the problem: once you hear something
negative about yourself, it often sticks in your head much longer than something
positive. So for years, I thought that if I just lost weight, the quality of my
relationships, be them work related, friendships, or romantic, would improve.
Fast forward about 10 or so years. After a huge weight loss
followed by some fluctuations, I was 5’6” at a size 12 when I met a man who was
a minister at a church I was attending. He started flirting with me and in a
few months we were dating. He spent a lot of time with me and was very attentive.
In hindsight I realize what I mistook for affection was really a combination of
his loneliness and search for a perfect woman. And by perfect I mean the
spiritual fortitude of Coretta Scott King, the voice of Mahalia Jackson and the
body of Beyonce.
One night we were in my living room cuddled up when he grabs
at my stomach and goes “jelly jelly!” and NOT in a way that denoted that he
like jelly ( and also NOT words a 35 year old man should use when talking to another
adult.) Apprehensively, I asked him if he had a problem with my body. He
proceeds to tell me he does not usually date women as “big” as I am but he likes me
and my family, and my mom ( who hooked us up) is so nice…blah blah blah. He
then proceeded to lift my shirt and examine my stomach (why a “celibate”
preacher would do such a thing is a topic for another post) and asks me if my
stretch marks would go away if I lost weight.
This is where the story gets embarrassingly painful to
write. Not because of what he said, but because of how I handled it. What
proceeded was weeks of me still dating this loser, trying to have conversation
with him about why he couldn’t except me as I was, countered with him saying that since I was thinner before I could get thinner again. Weeks of me
skipping lunch and not wanting to eat around him. Weeks of me wondering why my
weight was why I was still technically “single” (It wasn’t the reason. It NEVER
is.) Weeks of me reminding him that Proverbs 31 says nothing about the virtuous
woman’s weight. Until finally, HE called things off.
After we broke up I was relived. But even more than that, I
was angry. I was angry at him, yes, but even more so at myself. The second he
made the first comment about my weight I should have done exactly what the
author did and ended thingswith him. But, when you were the fat girl, mentally,
a part of you is still always the fat girl. A part of you just wants to be
accepted the way you are. You remember the difference in how people treated you
when you were 250lbs vs. when you were 150lbs. I didn’t have very many
insecurities – I considered myself smart, well educated, pretty, independent,
witty, compassionate and funny- but on a bad day, the one insecurity of my body
could outweigh all the other things I liked about myself. I was mad at myself
for letting this man get the best of that insecurity. I knew deep down that
wanting his acceptance was less about him and more about me. I knew that I was
trying to use him as a proxy for my own self acceptance.
That was four years ago. Since then I’ve been wined and
dined and loved on by quite a few nice, smart successful and VERY physically
attractive men. But, more importantly, I developed a more que sera, sera, (fuck
you) attitude about dating that no longer lets me ignore read flags such as
disapprovingly grabbing at my jelly. As I said before, I do have bad days where
I do feel fat or not so attractive, but fortunately the days where I feel
strong, healthy and radiant outnumber them. Now when I lose weight, it’s more
about being healthy and preventing health issues and being able to fit into my
favorite jean than gaining the approval of others. I realize there are many
more factors that make up a long lasting relationship that physical appearance,
and I know longer look for a man or society
to approve of my body in order to feel good about myself.
Since my weight fluctuates more than Jessica Simpson’s and
Oprah’s combined, I have gained and lost several pounds since then. Recently I saw Mr. Jelly at an event. He was
looking the same, but I was about 20lb thinner since he had last seen me. In
true shallow man fashion, he followed me around making awkward small talk and
telling me how good I looked until my mother rescued me from the conversation. “He’s
only talking to you because you lost weight,” she said. I knew she was right. But
she didn’t have to worry about me wanting to get back with him.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Why do I live on the East Coast???
I recently spent 11 days in Southern
California . It was simply glorious. After a harsh snow covered
winter in Philadelphia
I couldn't help but smile as I stared at the snow covered airport from inside my plane as it took off.
My first stop was Los Angeles – I had to run an academic meeting at UCLA on Thursday, but I decided to arrive Tuesday so that I could prep and spend
some time with my cousin. My cousin lives in Palmdale California which is about 70 miles or a
23425253 hour drive from LAX. Seriously the traffic in Los Angeles in not
exaggerated. I left the rental car company at the airport around 2 PM and did
not arrive in Palmdale until after 5. however it would have gone faster had I been
able to get into the carpool lane which, with its 2+ person per car requirement,
seemed to have cars zooming down the highway. I strongly suggest investing a half mannequin
or a least a blow up doll if you don’t have a real person who can ride with you in
the car at all times.
Palmdale is a lovely quite suburb northwest of Los Angeles. It
offers mountain views and easy living. It’s the type of place where you can
get a front yard back yard and pool for $130,000. needless to say there isn’t much
to do there so we went to jack in the box (yuck) played with her new puppy and
admired the art she has collected over the years. Here is a wood sculpture form
Africa :
Anyway, we wouldn't have been able to do much because my
cousin needed to go to court at 8 am the next morning and I needed to leave for
the 15 hour drive back to LA to pick up my boss and prep for our meeting. Since I
gave myself a nice buffer, I was able to stop at Venice Beach
We checked in at the W Westwood Hotel. So far I think it’s my favorite hotel, or at least a close second the
the Palomar I stayed in at Dupont Circle in DC. It felt like a chic version of
Cheers but without the depressive alcoholics – it felt like the staff all knew
my name and addressed me by it all the time. There is also a nice bar and pool. Also it’s away from all the tourist – it’s
not near Hollywood
or any other sites, and it seemed like mostly business people and folks
visiting family in the area stayed there.
For dinner my boss and I went to an Italian restaurant, Taninos which was delicious. I
had seafood salad and little zucchini and ricotta dumplings. I recommend this place if you are in the LA area
After dinner I ditched my boss and went to meet up with my
high school friend Meena Ray at a
bar/club in Hollywood . Even though I had been to LA before I did not hang out or party, so I was looking forward to this. The club's name is The Room . the ambiance was cool - it was one of those places where you can dance if you want to or get a little area in the corner with your friends and sip drinks if you want to do that instead. There were also some celebrity sightings - particularly reality stars and r&B artists.
I definitely stayed out later than I planned but I was able to get out of bed on time and host a successful meeting. After dinner I planned to go to bed…but I had such a good time with Meena that I figured I should go out again. I met up at a live music place where she was promoting with her sister. Fun times and more pseudo celebs! This time a dude who supposedly was in the group All-4-one performed. Even though I sound a little mean I must admit there was a lot of talent in the place.
I definitely stayed out later than I planned but I was able to get out of bed on time and host a successful meeting. After dinner I planned to go to bed…but I had such a good time with Meena that I figured I should go out again. I met up at a live music place where she was promoting with her sister. Fun times and more pseudo celebs! This time a dude who supposedly was in the group All-4-one performed. Even though I sound a little mean I must admit there was a lot of talent in the place.
The next day I made my way to Santa Barbara by train. Imagine leaving a
busy, hot city and taking a train ride into the mountains where each stop the
train makes the scenery gets more beautiful…then you are no longer in the
mountains but are then on the beach…soon you stop taking pictures because you
cant keep up with the beauty. By the time I got off the train in SB I felt like
I was transported to a beautiful magical island with a beach on one side and
mountains to the other.
Seriously the beauty of Santa Barbara cannot be over-exaggerated. There
is a reason why the richest woman in American lives in that area. I only went
because my friend Danielle got a job at UC Santa Barbara…so that’s for being employed friend!
We met up with some other girls from college at the HungryCat, a cute little bar/restaurant in downtown SB. We had oysters which were
super fresh and briny. Next we headed out for Indian food. I wont bother telling you the place or what I ate: I though it was good
but my friends are more foodies than I am and told me the Indian food is better
in Philly.
The next day we went to the beach!!! It was sooooooooo refreshing to lay out in the sun in 82 degree weather after 4 months of cold and snow. The water was a bit cold but I got in to about my hips for a few minutes ( lots of people were in the ocean.) I left tanned and with my hair a shade lighter
The next day we went to the beach!!! It was sooooooooo refreshing to lay out in the sun in 82 degree weather after 4 months of cold and snow. The water was a bit cold but I got in to about my hips for a few minutes ( lots of people were in the ocean.) I left tanned and with my hair a shade lighter
After the beach we freshened up and hit a few winery shops
in downtown SB. Wineries are a BIG deal there and for good reason- the wine is
good and easily accessible. For $10 you can taste at least 6 wines at the
wineries and if you buy a couple bottles the tastings are usually free. I have a new appreciate for Pinot Noir and Sauvignon Blanc aged in stainless steel after this visit!
The next morning we decided to drive to Solvang, a little
dutch town about 45 minutes away in the mountains. We had breakfast at a place
called The Succulent Pig where I had the biggest freshest and tastiest biscuit
ever
Solvang is not far from Santa Ynez where there are more
wineries!! Here I am at Kalyra, where the movie “ Sideways” was filmed. I had a
pretty tasty Orange Muscat there, which I had only had before at a Wine
festival in Annapolis Maryland
My next stop was San
Diego ! But first I had a layover in Phoenix . All I can tell from phoenix is that
it is hot. Good lord it’s hot. I didn’t even leave the airport but just the
twilight sun coming in through the windows almost killed me. It didn’t help
that I had on my heaviest sweater wrap, a pair of ankle boots and leggings for
the chilly plane ride.
Once I got to San Diego I stayed at the Paradise Point Resort and Spa. I had a bungalow, which was basically a one bed room
apartment with living room, dining area a microwave mini fridge and a walk in
closet. It was bigger than my apartment at home. All was well until…..A BUG
GREETED ME IN THE BATHROOM. I feared it was some sort of mutant mosquito, breed
out of the radioactivity of the Fukushima power plant in Japan . On my first attempt to kill, it is simply jumped 6 away as if a show flying at it's head is an everyday occurrence. I got him on the 2nd try though! I’m sorry little buddy but you had to die. I couldn't
stand the thought of waking up to it on my face ( I also have a weird paranoia
that all bugs like to cuddle in the bed with humans- but that's another story for another day)
This looks like the bug I killed. Sorry boo! I'll be sure not to kill your cousin next time!
This resort has a lot of bugs and plants and other things to
which I am allergic. The first day I touched it out and attended the conference
with charming welts on my neck and chest from God knows what.
The second day I wasn’t feeling too well so I stayed in and
napped …the last thing I wanted was to have to see a doctor away from home, so
decided to try to let my body heal itself. I started feeling better in the
afternoon so I met up with the conference attendees and too a bike ride around
the bay. After falling a few times and not thinking I was going to make it, I got
help from a young man who was also attending the conference. He stayed with me
while the others left. It was soooo kind
of him! I has an amazing experience all because of this one person. the views were incredible.
Later that night I went into downtown san Diego. I do not
like downtown San Diego. It was a bunch of rotten rich tourist. I bet the
people who work downtown cant wait to live so they can do do fun things like
paddle-boarding and jogging, not watch tourist get wasted off of margaritas and commercialized
Mexican food.
Anyway I found a cute little sushi spot called the Sushi Den where I had a
lobster roll and plum wine for the first time. There was only one other person
there and that was fine with me! The place had good ratings on google but I suspect
people weren’t there because they only offered Sapporo sake and the plum wine. Thank you,
paltry alcohol menu for saving me from obnoxious tourist.
My last day the conference ended a bit early so I left the
resort and walked about 40 minutes to the beach. San Diego
was not as warm as Santa Barbara
or LA and I like heat! Still the beach was nice.
I was super duper tan by the end of my trip
I ended up having dinner at the Red Marlin which is
restaurant at the Hyatt Hotel, not far from the island my resort was on.I enjoyed delicious
butterfish and strong margaritas while joking at the bar with more obnoxious tourist. I think rich but
boring businessmen from LA and San Francisco
like to “getaway” to San Diego (Tijuana ) for relaxation (
drugs and prostitution) and good stories to tell their equally boring colleagues.
Anyway in general I LOVE CALIFORNIA . I did not feel any earthquake that
people emailed me about while I was there ( I also never felt the earthquake in
Philadelphia either.)
i'm sure with palm trees and year round sunshine, you don’t even notice a little
shaky ground or all the tsunami evacuation route signs! The lifestyle is definitely
worth the risk..people are living good over there!
Monday, January 20, 2014
Today smells like dirty mop water, when it should smell like Revolution
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I slept in until about 11 am. I will finish
this blog piece, and then go to the gym. I’ll stop by the supermarket (a snow
storm is coming) then ill do some laundry. I’ll end my night with a movie of maybe a
fashion magazine.
This isn’t so different that what I did on this day last
year, or the year before. In general, I don’t do “Community Service” on Martin
Luther King Jr. Day. On a micro level community service is good. Even having a
designated day of community service once a year is good, because that’s the
only time some people will do it. However, on the macro level, equating Dr.
King’s legacy with paintbrushes and mop buckets is so problematic for me that I
can’t participate.
The watering down of this man’s legacy is appalling. It
starts with taking his name out of the day; how many Happy “MLK” posts have you
seen so far? We can’t even take 5 more
seconds to type out the man’s full name. We pass around that “Everyone can be great
because everyone can serve,” quote instead of his quotes about American
Imperialism, anti war, anti racism, and improved opportunity for African
Americans (which are in fact far more numerous.) We somehow turned fighting for
equal rights, economic opportunity and an ending of police harassment into
cleaning up a park and painting a school building. I’m sorry, I didn’t know Dr.
King was jailed and assassinated for demanding the right to do community
service!!!
I understand that school buildings are falling apart. I
understand that it is a lovely gesture to provide a newly painted classroom for
our children. It’s nice to show them that we care about them. But this doesn’t
get the crux of the problem. The problem is that many (most even) public
schools that are predominately black are underfunded. They are underfunded
because in our draconian funding system schools are funding primarily through
property tax. The property in these neighborhoods aren’t worth a whole lot, and
the property tax rate is low too…probably because if it were any higher people
couldn’t afford to live there…which is because blacks on average make less
money and have less net worth that whites….because they went to those same
crappy schools there underfunded 20 years ago. This goes for any social problem that calls
for “community service” to serve as a way to elevate it. If you look deep
enough you will find systems of inequality that are The REAL problems. When are we going to stand up to THAT?
I think people in my generation are just too damn
comfortable. Our parents marched with Dr. King. Our parents were the ones who
were shipped out to white neighborhoods on school buses to desegregate the
schools. Our parents were the ones spit on and called niggers and attacked by
police dogs. They went through a lot so that we can have it easier. But things
still aren’t right. Black men and women are still being arrested more
frequently and serving longer sentences for the same crimes whites commit.
Black men are still being stopped by the police at higher rates than whites. Our
black children are LITERALLY being molested and abused by police officers.
There are enough abandoned homes in the U.S. to give one to every homeless
person (blacks are disproportionally homeless too.) Too many of us are still
poor, busted and disgusted! I’d like to see a “Day of Service” where we service
each other by finding ways to fight these issues. Can we have a Martin Luther
King Day of anti police brutality marches? How about a day of boycotting
corporations that lobby to keep the minimum wage low and don’t pay any taxes?
How about a day when we all protest in from out our congressional
representatives houses? Or day where we
show our combined economic power and don’t purchase ANYTHING for 24 hours?
The things I listed above probably won’t happen. It takes
strategy, long suffering and a lot of courage to stand up to our oppressors.
Systemic change can’t be done in a day, and we are a generation that likes
immediate gratitude. Why do that when we can just volunteer at a soup kitchen
for a few hours and then treat ourselves for a “job well done” to some take out
and Netflix afterwards? Things aren’t as bad as they were in the 50s and 60s,
right? The truth is we pass around that
quote about service, and then do community service for a day because it’s the
easiest, least controversial way to “honor” his legacy.
I got an email from a friend about donating clothes to the
homeless on Marin Luther King Day as a form of community service. I honestly
could not help. I just dropped off a large bag of clothing to the Circle of
Hope thrift a couple weeks ago (I drop off things I don’t need to them 4-5
times a year) I was thinking about driving two hours to see Dr. Angela Davis
speak tomorrow night but instead I’m going to community meting about the
incident with the teenager and the police mentioned above. I’m not saying all
this to toot my own horn – but rather to show that I’m constantly doing things
to help others and fight the power. That’s how we all should be. And we don't need to turn a man's legacy into community service to do so.
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